


Observing the Stars

by giraffewithstripes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Constellations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-31 04:24:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1027195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giraffewithstripes/pseuds/giraffewithstripes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is it like for you to be departed from the stars?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Observing the Stars

Dean had waited until the skies were clear, before showing Cas what he knew would be his favourite room in the bunker: the observatory. It was nearly empty, if not for the bookcases that sprawled along the walls, and the pedestal upon which a golden telescope in the centre of the room, which Dean had been too afraid to touch, on his first visit to the room; he had instead satisfied his curiosity by examining a few of the books on the shelves, brushing off their thin film of dust. They all seemed to be oriented around the constellations, prophecies, and various pagan festivals. Dean was left to wonder how how they had not enough books on this stuff already. 

He bid his time, and at times he even allowed himself to fantasise what Castiel's reaction would be when he finally saw it, where they could sit and watch the stars with a few cold beers and now despite all the impediments that had separated them from each other before he was finally able to show it to him. Castiel had been irritated as to all the smoke and mirrors as Dean led him up the multiple flights of stairs, not enjoying the secrecy, but a wide smile had spread across his lips as he finally saw it.   
"Dean." 

They'd sat there for hours as Dean showed him to work the microscope, and Castiel had then crouched by the telescope, angling it to see all the different constellations, pointing them all out for Dean to observe as they took turns through looking though the telescope. Dean listened in contentment, half listening to Castiel and the other half just enjoying that his friend was having a good time. "You know Orion, is never found in the same part of the sky as Scorpius. In the legends he was killed by the scorpion's sting so it always seems that he is fleeing from the scorpion as when Scorpius rises in the east of the sky, Orion disappears just below the western horizon-" Castiel raised a hand to his face, stopping mid sentence as the back of his eyes began to wet. 

"I'm crying." He breathed. Dean reached out a hand to grip Castiel's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, helpless to do anything else. "I'm crying and I don't know why." Castiel repeated, grimacing as his voice cracked. He kept his eyes off of Dean, instead watching the tear that he had caught on the tip of his finger trickle into his palm. Half a smile lifted his lips as he watched it catch the light. He was even tempted to press it to his tongue, to taste it. His first human tears. Even when his brothers and sisters had fallen from the sky he had not cried. Now that he was here with Dean the tears came easily, and he didn't know what they meant. He met Dean's worried gaze, giving him a shaky smile of assurance. "I'm sorry." He mumbled.   
Dean gave him a weak smile. "That's okay Cas." He said, releasing the grip he had on his shoulder, but still keeping close enough for their arms to touch. He drew his arms into his chest, leaving Cas be, knowing that Castiel would speak when he was ready. 

"I am be older than all the stars," Castiel said eventually, his voice catching in all the wrong places. It hurt to speak. The tightening of his chest gave him little room for words. "I used to watch them form in the hydrogen clouds, out of nothing but clouds of dust, and Dean I- watched them die." His voice lowered to a whisper that Dean strained to hear, even when sitting as close to him as he was. "In all sorts of different ways." His forehead creased, as his stormy eyes stared into Dean's, old and fearful. "I was immortal, outside of all of time. And now…" He shook his head. "I'm shaking." He stated, as he finally noticed his trembling hands. Dean placed his hand over Castiel's linking together their fingers for a brief moment. "Cas."  
"Dean." Castiel replied, closing his eyes, breathing in Dean's presence. He smelt of leather, and it soothed him a little, enough to continue, because he had to get the words out, before they ripped apart him apart even more. "I'm going to die, and all the stars will all live and die without me." Castiel rubbed his eyes, and Dean had to look away, to hide the tears that were also welling up in his eyes. "I miss them Dean. I miss being up there with them. I miss flying."   
Dean inhaled deeply, tracing a circle into the back of Castiel's hand.   
"But-" Castiel added with a fond smile. "Falling…it's so humbling." Castiel said, choosing his words carefully. "Being a human, is so different and I've learnt so much about humanity, more than I ever could as an angel. I've learnt more about the world with you and Sam than I ever could from the stars. So Dean, I don't know anymore, if I'm happy or sad that I've lost my Grace. Even with all these hardships that I've been through, it just seems to be something in my life that has happened." 

"You're something else, Cas." Dean said, his voice thick.   
Castiel gave a small rumble acknowledgement, as he looked back to the telescope with which he could see the stars, stars that he used to be able to touch. He could remember laughing as he had gathered together clusters of them in his hands, and the rush that slipped through his celestial being as he skimmed his fingers across the galaxy Andromeda, grinning in exultation as he whispered the name that the people of the earth had given her.   
"I don't really know what I am, I never really fit in with my brothers and sisters, and I don't fit in as a human either."   
"You're Cas," Dean said, frowning down at the healing scabs on Castiel's knuckles, before looking up to meet his eyes, his voice earnest. "It doesn't matter to me, whether you're human, or an angel or even a freaking vampire, because you're my family Cas. You're my friend."   
"You're mine too." Castiel managed, trying to stop the new flood of tears, that were welling in his eyes. 

Dean gave him a small nod, and a smile before leaning back to rest his head against the ground, satisfied with Castiel's response.   
"Thank you." Castiel mouthed, too low for Dean to hear, as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve, also leaning back to mimic Dean's relaxed position, closing his eyes, because for the first time in a long while Castiel felt relief. 

Dean allowed himself a sly glance at Castiel, smiling as he saw the tension that was in Castiel's shoulders be released, and the slow rise and fall of his chest. His eyes flickered back to Castiel as he heard him chuckle as he murmured, “I think of all the stars in the sky, my favourite is Polaris, the North Star, because it leads people home.”


End file.
